You know as kids we tend to dream of how our life will be, we dream of our prince charming riding up on that white horse, rescuing us from that ever growing tower we call life, marrying us and giving us kids; however, the older you get the more that fairy tale and happy ending tends to fade away. Now while I have no one to blame for this, but my own hearts betrayal the best I can do is pick up my head and try to move on, in hopes that I have made the right decisions in my life and I continue to do so. I am about to make and have been making some life altering decisions. Childhood is something you spend your whole life trying to overcome. HE IS RIGHT, I NEED TO LEARN TO LET GO OF MY PAST, ALL THE PAIN, ALL THE HURT, ALL THE FUCKUPS, EVERYTHING, AND NOT LET IT IMPACT MY WHOLE LIFE BECAUSE IF I DO IT WILL RUIN MY LIFE AS IT HAS DONE THUS FAR, YES MY LIFE AND OUR RELATIONSHIP. While I can never forget all the hurt I can try and make the choice to forgive those people who have hurt me and move on with my life and not let it control what I am doing or going to do throughout my life

I dunno, I have been lost for awhile when it comes to my friends and being online; however, a few weeks ago my fathers lawfirm sponsored a breast cancer awareness charity event and that picture right there was from that night :) I have been going to these things since I was little so im sorta use to it now. Earlier in that day me and my mom went and walked in the “WALK THROUGH THE DARKNESS” marathon walk, to not only raise money but raise public awareness on suicide. I have lost someone very close to me too suicide and still after almost 2 years I cannot help to wonder what ifs, what if i was there more for that person, what if i over looked a fat ass HELP ME sign, and I know I missed a huge cry for help and I will never forgive myself for that, I was so wrapped up in what was going on in my life, that I failed to see just how much trouble my friend was in. Now, onto the reason while I am bringing this up, yea its a little to private and I do not know how long I will keep this part of this post public, but okay back to while I am bringing this up, LEO is right on so many levels, I am very selfish and self centered and I think sitting here typing this is making me realize just how right he is, just how wrapped up I can be in my own life, and how less I could care about what else is going on in anyone life. Im not a bitch or anything, I just have a huge downfall, I dunno where it come froms, oh wait i do, my moms fucked up ass. The way she was with me growing up, and I am not making excuses and LEO is right, i do have alot to work on. I need to start caring more, need to worry more about other people then myself and need to learn to let go of the things I cannot control.

So im sitting here, trying to eat some rice and veggis and a itty bitty piece of steak and drinking yet another beer. Trying to get up the courage for what I am about to do. Well what im about to do is either gonna change my life for the better or its all gonna be “not for nothing” and my life will be destroyed. Owell, you cannot trick your mind into NOT doing what your heart is telling you to do, no matter how wrong it is. I just hope and pray that no matter what happens, HE will find it in his heart to forgive me and I hope He knows that no matter what happens I love him more then anything and he will always have a piece of my heart and be the only good in me.

Onto other things, the class schedual for spring 09′ came out online today and I have already got an appointment with my counselor so I can petition to take my other math class and get my prereq slips out of the way. As part of my human development class we have to do a 3 semester ed plan, and I already have my classes planned out until my last semester so hopefully she will go along with what I want to take. Next semester I will be at the unit load which should be fine, 3 early childhood education classes one of which is an online course, a math class, english comp, and a “WALK THE TALK” community class, which consist of 2 classes, a Nutrition for health and well being along with a fitness class that focuses on runnig and walking, along with weight training and cardio. I am excited about that. My two ece classes are on monday and wed and happen to not only be back to back time wise(9-10:20)-(10:30-11:40) and in the same class, which is good so i do not have to hall ass across campus haha, but they have the same teacher WOMP WOMP :)

So every day in my human development class our teacher gives us a group reading, and then 3-4 students will speak out on how it effects there life or why a certain part of the passage has special meaning. Well the other day this is the part of our reading that stood out to me, for many different reasons, but it has helped me through some things this past week (refer to the first paragraph of this post)and I have to pass it on to you, my lovelies, just incase you need it haha

It doesn’t interest me if the story you’re telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bare the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own without moving, to hide it or fade it or fix it

Well well well hello there :) long time no type ahaha. No seriously I have been completely swamped with school, research papers, midterms and not to forget work haha. Speaking of mid terms I did great, my lowest percentage is 82 . Cannot believe that we only have 8 weeks left of school. Okay onto other things because I really do not feel like blogging much right now but as you can see I do have yea another layout up. I was just getting sick of the pink and needed something completely different. I have do add some things to my side bar and take a few things off, and I have to find some smilies to match; although, i do not know if i have the patience for all that right at the moment; however, I do plan on getting to it so no need to point it out lovelies.

I WENT THROUGH MY LINKS AND TOOK A BUNCH OF PEOPLE OFF, PEOPLE THAT EITHER DO NOT HAVE ME LINKED, OR PEOPLE THAT DO NOT TAKE THE TIME TO RESPOND TO COMMENTS OR KEEP IN TOUCH THROUGH OTHER MEANS SUCH AS PLURK, FACEBOOK AND FLICKR. I FEEL IT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THE WHOLE EXCHANGE LINKS THING.

Im sure I will update this post in a few days but as for right now Im gonna get to other things like trying to find a great 6 month anniversary gift. Yea six months haha, what can I say I love that man. I will be down in La the weekend right before our anniversary which sucks but it is still better then nothing, I will have to leave late in the afternoon of it, but hey its all good haha i get my honey and thats all I am concerned with ATM :)

[LOVE] Okay so this past week was sorta blah, my closest buds know why and I really do not want to go into too much detail about this on my website because its a lil too personal for any random person to read.  But those problems have since been semi-resolved, I am tackling things head on and am glad he is there with me.

I [♥] HIM, Baby I know things between us are not always perfect but I would rather have an unperfect life with the perfect person, the one person who is always there for me, the one person who loves me for me, the person who makes me want to be a better person. Babe you are my better half for so many reasons. While things are far from perfect at times its at those times that we love eachother the most, And no matter what we are always right back where we need to be, side by side, hand in hand, heart and heart. I love you LEO [5108]

[School]-[work] I am gonna be super busy this week with work and school, I have a few appointments throughout the week which is not normal since I started school so I wonder how im gonna handle that haha. I have a psych exam on wed that I must study for (reading 3 chapters) somewhere in between it my homework for my other 2 classes which consist of not only 2 essays and some reader response journals but starting to finish our group project in my human development class……. ughhhhhhh busy busy haha.  But I am glad I picked up some extra hours at work lol I can always use the extra cash haha, but then again who cant? hehe

[Health] For some reason this week wasnt all that bad on my back, I do have an appointment with the chiropractor to discuss either some new therapy technics or some old ones. The pain pills dont really work all that good and when they do I am zombied out which isn’t good at all. I started running again last monday, yea haha its amazing how much I work out when im in personal terminal haha, I went running 3 times last week and I wonder if that helped my back not to hurt. I aslo think in the morning I am gonna hit the gym at 5 AM and take the kickboxing class again lol I been realizing lately just how much I missed it. My phat ass needs to go work out more often lol.

[WEEKEND] So friday haha I went out with my girls for the first time in a long time, errrrrrr okay haha about a month LOL. Went to the club ahaaaaa I love dancing and dancing with my girls makes it that much more betta haha I do have a few pics from that night I just gotta upload them lol. WOOT haha been, a lil bit sluggish on saturday but it was all good lol.  I took my ass to the football game at my school, yea again haha it was nice and breezy tho, I mean, we got hella rain on thurs and friday night so it was overcast and nice. I stayed the whole game and my school did loose by 6 points but its all good haha. Other then that, I really didnt do much this weekend lounged around the pad haha enjoying the fact that my sister was back east, new york, to visit her moms. I spent today (sunday) at my house chillin, cleaning my room, organizing my closet, doing laundry and making my room more puppy proof haha, had to put my steps back by the bed so the kiddos can climb up them, yea one of them is old and one of them is way to small to jump up on it haha.

[Body Mods] Tattoo number 6 on the lower part of my back, I got it outlined first, then went back a few days later to have it shaded in. I do got pics of it but you bitchez gotta wait cuz I dont feel like uploading them right now.

[Ight bitchez] While I do hope everyone had a great weekend or week incase I haven’t talked to you since then haha, Imma take my ass to watch the last episode of I LOVE MONEY, then taking my ass to bed haha. Im not really tired, but i am a lil drained haha. oh dont mind my site lately and too them bitchez that try and bump their gums because I choose to be friends with people they may not like, get the fuck over it and grow the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont really update my website a lot but I plurk all the time haha, gotta love texting hehe.